Stagnancy/Being Ordinary

Yes I know I should be sleeping. Especially since I"m going to attempt to get up for a 730 exercise class..but isn't that always when the mind wants to ponder. So I am doing a data entry temp job for the next three days and after 6 hours, I am very thankful I've saved enough that I haven't had to worry about doing this all summer because that was my limit. It was a beautiful, summer day, not too hot, and here I was shivering in a far too a/ced unit (have I mentioned I hate a/c!) wasting away my life typing in numbers for a study. Granted, the study is pretty interesting, but I'm learning fast, if I'm going to be involved in research it will only be the collaborating/doing part, not the evaluation/analysis part. Having been doing the evaluation part for my "internship" plus this data entry has been a bit too much, but only two more days. Real life is back in full swing and deciding to leave my new chapter of life for three weeks I think was a bit ambitious. Granted, it WILL be great to be in person at A.C.M.E. meetings, see friends, and go to my favorite place in the world the BWCA, but after having yet another awesome weekend with new friends and SO many happenings going on, not to mention new possibilities with this internship of becoming solfegge literate, this data entry full-time position, and trying to figure out housing (which may end up being a coop in the area I want to live in after all!) deciding to leave I can only hope will be fruitful and not stressful.

As far as my resolution is going, I feel like the above paragraph has detracted from it and I'm certainly at a point of stagnancy/shrinking back into my old grind. Any recommendations are warmly welcomed.     I need a new inspiration or person to challenge me or something. It's too easy to slip back into my comfort zone when I am not forced out. Which brings me to the feeling of ordinary. Words I think of to connote ordinary: boring, uninteresting, plain. Dictionary.com says: with no special features..normal. Now to me, these two definitions are very different. We all desire to be normal (at least societal norms do), but yet we all strive to be special. I feel like these two definitions contradict, no? But I digress..

Today was as ordinary a day as I ever want and even then I went to an Iftar feast (breaking of the Ramadan fast) which obviously was not ordinary in the slightest, but made the day (and my mood) more difficult, not completely fasting, but only eating a small amount of veggies at lunch. After watching American Beauty (you should too!), there's a girl in the movie that never wants to be ordinary and honestly, I agree. Granted, I don't think anyone wants to be ordinary, but so many people succumb to it. They don't have the ambition, the will, the "means" or rather the drive, to change or they're conditioned to think there is no other choice. But nevertheless I don't want part in the "real world," the 9-5, the job, the house, the bills. Some say I just haven't found that, but I have been out of school for two years. Sure, I"m not making big dough, but I am surviving. I know my twenties won't be my life, but I don't know if they'll change as much as they do for the "normal" (or ordinary) person because as I stated above I'm not her...and I still have 5 years!

On a different note entirely, Catholics please explain the decision of saving a baby over a mother!!!!!!!! But there are Catholic churches in town that embrace interfaith! There's a new wind coming on (a title of a song I wrote awhile back)

 Ok bedtime

Traveling...Denotation vs Connotation. Hobby or vocation?

So after meeting another CS "wanderer," last night, I've decided to expound on the word "traveling." According to good ol' Webster, 1) "to go on as if on a trip or tour," 2)  "to move from one place to another," 3) "to journey through or over." When I met this guy last night, he didn't say the typical, "I'm traveling." He rather said, "I'm wandering." When one says travel, it probably does signify a) there is a specific length of time (the tour definition), but b) that you're merely traversing through an area. Traveling isn't the right word to describe when you are going to an area to truly know it (conocer in Spanish) rather than to say you've been there. This also has to do with traveling for places v traveling for people. I myself certainly do both. Perhaps this is why I hate touristy places so much. Because there's no chance in getting to know the people or the area. The locals see you only as a simple customer to buy their product, rather that be a tour, hotel, or food. As I'm sure many of you already know, this is why CS is so amazing. You are not only staying with locals, but they usually show you things you would only know from being with a local.

When the CS last night said he went to Chile for a month and spent every day but one in Santiago, many people were offended and couldn't believe he hadn't gone to Patagonia in the south (I'll admit even I said you should have gone cuz it truly is beautiful). But that wasn't his purpose in going. The day he took to go to Valpo was a waste because he only went to see it. He didn't have time to get to know it. This is why I try to go to a place and truly get to know it rather than going to 10 cities in one week.

So back to the question at hand. Wanderer vs traveler. To me wandering implies you have no set route (True), no purpose (argued the purpose is sought along the away), and no limits as to what you may do. It isn't vacation, but I propose rather a catalyst to find one's vocation by learning about others and being pushed out of one's comfort zone with excellent discussion and a myriad of experiences. When I was in Europe, people often asked how long I had been on vacation. But despite the fact I wasn't working, it wasn't vacation. To me, vacation is when you go to one spot and do nothing. Traveling (IMHO at least) is almost an exact contrast. You're invigorating all five senses plus your brain, heart, and spirit. There aren't a whole lot of things that do this all at once and perhaps that's why I love it so much. I'm a sensual person in the truest and most literal sense of the word.
I also expressed last night how difficult it was for me to answer the unanswerable question, "How was XX (Tanzania, Chile, and heck even Boston)?" He brought up some good coping mechanisms that I'd like to share in case anyone else is struggling. First, don't bring up the fact that you've been there unless it comes up in conversation (to me this just invites boring, mundane conversation, but I'll try it). B) Point out, the amazing things they have that you don't have (living in one place, being married, etc) C) Don't let it get put on a pedestal.

But what I realized through this and him saying the sentence "When I was living in Germany and WOOFing in Switzerland," is that traveling like many things is a hobby that has particular lingo and a sense of understanding to which only fellow travelers can relate. This is not meant to sound exclusive, but if I name drop places, or someone says the above sentence, many would respond with the perplexed outburst of "YOU"VE LIVED IN SWITZERLAND AND FARMED FOR FREE???" or something along those lines. Where as my response last night was a mere nod.  This is not meant to sound superior, purely observation. We can understand each other and this is why I love CS so much. I can say in Tanzania... without getting this type of undesired attention. It's analogous to computer programmers. If they start talking about HTML code I am completely lost. If they talk about a program on a Mac I will more than likely understand, but I don't understand the intricacies nor appreciation on the same level of them and on some level, it blows my mind a bit how they can manipulate things so easily just by recoding (maybe not the best analogy, but you get my drift). Ditto sports. When traveling isn't a passion/hobby of someone, they just look at these places on a map that are far away from them, as wow I can't believe you've been to XXX, but they themselves don't necessarily have a desire to go there (Please correct me if you feel differently).

You can say they might have desire, but no money, but as Aleph by Paolo Coelho states, you don't need a lot of money to travel and most of my experiences have been on the tightest budget (most less than daily living expenses). It's a matter of me making it happen and living life how I want to live it. As Switchfoot states, "This is your life. Are you who you want to be?" When people live vicariously through me going to these places, I struggle because they too could, if they wanted to and were willing to deal with (for lack of a better word) the repercussions that come along with this nomadic lifestyle.


As Henry David Thoreau states, why don't we measure life in terms of LIFE, an intangible, infinite, resource rather than wealth, a finite, materialistic resource? What is the point of me buying a house that I will be indebted to for twenty years when I can use that money to see so many places and better myself and hopefully others by doing so.Who's saying I will ever want to stay in that place long enough? Marriage to me will be a true reason to travel. I'll have a guaranteed travel companion.Forever. I'm starting to wonder if settling down will ever be a concept with which I can relate, and honestly the older I get, the more I'm okay with this and breaking out of the traditional lifestyle. I think someone (and obviously plenty of people are) can be perfectly happy working a 9 to 5 and having a family they love. I'm not saying that's any less or more than the wandering lifestyle. It's just a matter of living life, whatever that means to you. Today's challenge for you is to examine what you really want to do and make steps to DO IT! No more complaining about the shitty economy (which quite honestly is more reason to go do something since nothing is going to come from sitting here writing countless cover letters to jobs you don't usually want anyway). 
Okay off to work for me now.

Letting Go

So after rereading the last post, I am realizing how shitty of a writer I can be when I am vague and too worried about offending someone or someone judging me *correction: me judging myself through someone's eyes*. I am going to try to write more honestly and thus hopefully cultivate discussion or at the very least provoke people to want to speak. I just read a friend's blog and I agree with him. If there is something that resonates here (or if anyone has struggled with this and is willing to share), talk to me so we can have a meaningful conversation instead of just a mere comment.

One thing I've realized about my nomadic life is that you don't have to be childhood bffs who have countless memories and inside jokes to relate to one another or have a meaningful conversation. Granted, this isn't the norm, but a Couchsurfer and I hung out for five hours the first time upon meeting and discussed everything under the sun: relationships, philosophy, economics, stereotypes of certain nationalities, masculine and feminine energy, gender roles, and the list goes on. I want to encourage that type of conversing with everyone (yes Sara, it's a bit ambitious) but if I don't aim for it, it never will happen. If friends want to know what I have been up to or you would like a response to the pedestrian question "How's Boston?" I'd be happy to tell you the adventures I've had like climbing Mt. Washington or visiting Niagara Falls, the frustration that is the apartment search and the basically non-existent temp job I have, the most patriotic 4th of July and best fireworks show ever, the heat and no fans apartment I'm subletting for the summer, the amazing progress A.C.M.E. has made, or the wonderful new people I've met. But rather, wouldn't it be more stimulating for both parties involved to have a discussion about something two people can both relate to, where their life experience only enhances the discussion rather than dividing two people into an unrelated dialogue and it merely becoming a catch-up session every time I call a friend. Of course these catch-up sessions are necessary, but I'm challenging you to try to take conversations to the next level, which yes involves some deep thinking. Here's a topic for starters, courtesy of a philosophical writer/non-traditional economist: Are humans meant for labor or for leisure? To digest this, the meaning/purpose of life may have to be discussed, which of course will vary depending on people's life experiences, but it is a topic that everyone can give their two cents, regardless of if they're traveling the world, planning a wedding, working an undesirable job in this tough economy, or in school.

And now  a personal resolution: to simply let go. I don't want to extensively define what that means so as to avoid limits as much as possible, but there have been a few times these past few weeks where I haven't worried what others would think or what consequences may happen, I just simply let go and embraced the moment and honestly, it felt really..liberating! I'm sure most of you knowing me know how much of a deviant/rebel I am (in case you are reading this for the first time, I am being sarcastic), but I'm  not even talking in terms of rebellion. I've realized that while I claim to not control my life and just let it happen, I actually subconsciously control it by not letting things happen or putting up barriers. Men in a non-plutonic way for one. People with different lifestyle choices, two. Me always losing things and being victim to it, three. Me doing things that may be taboo or what I think socially unacceptable, four. And the list goes on. Loved ones will embrace me regardless of what I do and I'm certainly not at the point to make this as private as my actual journal (maybe i"ll get there), but admitting this is a first baby step that maybe after two months will morph into more. Hopefully by making this public, I will truly stick to this, for at least the two month pact I have and as a result you as the reader will benefit to more meaningful, thought-provoking blog entries rather than me leaving out details or thoughts that turn an itinerant list into something meaty and hopefully something that you have to chew on (clearly living with a vegan has influenced even my analogies). 

I've also decided part of this resolution will be to answer (in a non group setting) any direct question. This will certainly be a challenge for me, but I won't know until I try if this is right and yes, this involves putting me out of my comfort zone. For many, living in a developing country away from friends/family, no power/hot water, and no common language, would be difficult. For me, that is no problem. I can sleep under a one roomed tin roof with only an open fire for a stove, a bathroom outside, and a bucket of water for a shower. Needless to say, I can adapt to almost any situation/place as well as a chameleon (forgive the unoriginal simile). Contrastingly, I can't (or rather strongly dislike) being put on the spot, talking about "bad" experiences, or the lack of experience I have in romantic relationships. By embracing my whole self, both the stuff I am proud of and the stuff I chide away from, I also think it's why I'm not willing to share the songs I have written with people I know but have no problem playing for the public. I hopefully will be more comfortable within my own skin, even when the skin has a few abrasions or larger lacerations (geez what is with me and metaphors tonight?!).

So here goes. To letting go and letting life happen. ALL of it.