Letting Go

So after rereading the last post, I am realizing how shitty of a writer I can be when I am vague and too worried about offending someone or someone judging me *correction: me judging myself through someone's eyes*. I am going to try to write more honestly and thus hopefully cultivate discussion or at the very least provoke people to want to speak. I just read a friend's blog and I agree with him. If there is something that resonates here (or if anyone has struggled with this and is willing to share), talk to me so we can have a meaningful conversation instead of just a mere comment.

One thing I've realized about my nomadic life is that you don't have to be childhood bffs who have countless memories and inside jokes to relate to one another or have a meaningful conversation. Granted, this isn't the norm, but a Couchsurfer and I hung out for five hours the first time upon meeting and discussed everything under the sun: relationships, philosophy, economics, stereotypes of certain nationalities, masculine and feminine energy, gender roles, and the list goes on. I want to encourage that type of conversing with everyone (yes Sara, it's a bit ambitious) but if I don't aim for it, it never will happen. If friends want to know what I have been up to or you would like a response to the pedestrian question "How's Boston?" I'd be happy to tell you the adventures I've had like climbing Mt. Washington or visiting Niagara Falls, the frustration that is the apartment search and the basically non-existent temp job I have, the most patriotic 4th of July and best fireworks show ever, the heat and no fans apartment I'm subletting for the summer, the amazing progress A.C.M.E. has made, or the wonderful new people I've met. But rather, wouldn't it be more stimulating for both parties involved to have a discussion about something two people can both relate to, where their life experience only enhances the discussion rather than dividing two people into an unrelated dialogue and it merely becoming a catch-up session every time I call a friend. Of course these catch-up sessions are necessary, but I'm challenging you to try to take conversations to the next level, which yes involves some deep thinking. Here's a topic for starters, courtesy of a philosophical writer/non-traditional economist: Are humans meant for labor or for leisure? To digest this, the meaning/purpose of life may have to be discussed, which of course will vary depending on people's life experiences, but it is a topic that everyone can give their two cents, regardless of if they're traveling the world, planning a wedding, working an undesirable job in this tough economy, or in school.

And now  a personal resolution: to simply let go. I don't want to extensively define what that means so as to avoid limits as much as possible, but there have been a few times these past few weeks where I haven't worried what others would think or what consequences may happen, I just simply let go and embraced the moment and honestly, it felt really..liberating! I'm sure most of you knowing me know how much of a deviant/rebel I am (in case you are reading this for the first time, I am being sarcastic), but I'm  not even talking in terms of rebellion. I've realized that while I claim to not control my life and just let it happen, I actually subconsciously control it by not letting things happen or putting up barriers. Men in a non-plutonic way for one. People with different lifestyle choices, two. Me always losing things and being victim to it, three. Me doing things that may be taboo or what I think socially unacceptable, four. And the list goes on. Loved ones will embrace me regardless of what I do and I'm certainly not at the point to make this as private as my actual journal (maybe i"ll get there), but admitting this is a first baby step that maybe after two months will morph into more. Hopefully by making this public, I will truly stick to this, for at least the two month pact I have and as a result you as the reader will benefit to more meaningful, thought-provoking blog entries rather than me leaving out details or thoughts that turn an itinerant list into something meaty and hopefully something that you have to chew on (clearly living with a vegan has influenced even my analogies). 

I've also decided part of this resolution will be to answer (in a non group setting) any direct question. This will certainly be a challenge for me, but I won't know until I try if this is right and yes, this involves putting me out of my comfort zone. For many, living in a developing country away from friends/family, no power/hot water, and no common language, would be difficult. For me, that is no problem. I can sleep under a one roomed tin roof with only an open fire for a stove, a bathroom outside, and a bucket of water for a shower. Needless to say, I can adapt to almost any situation/place as well as a chameleon (forgive the unoriginal simile). Contrastingly, I can't (or rather strongly dislike) being put on the spot, talking about "bad" experiences, or the lack of experience I have in romantic relationships. By embracing my whole self, both the stuff I am proud of and the stuff I chide away from, I also think it's why I'm not willing to share the songs I have written with people I know but have no problem playing for the public. I hopefully will be more comfortable within my own skin, even when the skin has a few abrasions or larger lacerations (geez what is with me and metaphors tonight?!).

So here goes. To letting go and letting life happen. ALL of it.