YTT reflections 2: Temezcal

 The temezcal is a traditional sweat lodge ceremony that represents the womb of Mother Earth found throughout Central America. Essentially it’s a circular dome made from Earth heated by steam from the coals in the middle that you sit around naked. The idea is Mother Earth is holding you, such a beautiful image. Each round of stones honors a different element. they add more coals and then add water to them, making it hotter with each puerta (literally door since Adding stones is the only time the door is open) and it is all done in ceremony with prayers, blessings, and songs. 

I’m working on a song about the experience but suffice it to say that I’ve never sweat so much or been so hot in my entire life and I’ve done two of these before! But afterwards you feel so amazing! 

It’s quite traditional to go naked which we did. At the end after leaving the temezcal, we drank a butterfly pea herbal Tea out of coconut shells to rehydrate And sat by a fire. It was such a beautiful image. Women in the middle of the jungle, circled round the fire naked.  Something that would usually be seen as wrong, was an experience bringing us back to our roots as what I imagine cave women did. 

As you can imagine, these experiences in the serpent cycle/the body have created a really sacred sangha (community) and I can only imagine what this next cycle of the Jaguar/mind will teach me/unravel. Stay tuned!

Yoga Teacher Training (YTT) Cycle 1 Reflections: Power of Breath Work

 Intro: if you ask me how yoga teacher training is going, you’re gonna get a real answer (below is just an excerpt of the transformation that has already begun). But if you want the summary, the place is lovely with a lively frog chorus, a beautiful Guanacaste tree, a natural pool, and more butterflies than I’ve ever seen! The food is good, there’s only three students so it’s super intimate and they’re all lovely women (1 German, the other student and teachers from the US). 

And yes we are still practicing asana (the part of yoga most westerners call yoga) and learning how to teach a class. We’re also meditating, chanting, singing, breathing, journaling, practicing silence, and learning so so Much. I am so grateful for this experience and it’s only 25% complete! 

A major shoutout to School of Yoga Institute for letting me join so late after Peru fell through, giving me a generous scholarship, and still going ahead with the training despite the small class size and probably a financial loss. Also if you’re ever on the island of Ometepe check out Wanderlust Utopia for your stay!

And now for a deeper, longer answer. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that I’m seeing more types and amounts of butterflies than I’ve ever seen before, in a place full of transformation.  Here’s one example.

…and I’ve been giving away my power for too long

So I’m taking it back back back

‘Cuz it’s mine

We’ve done a lot of singing and this line of a song we sing has summed up the first cycle of the training where we studied the serpent of the Peruvian medicine wheel and shedding what no longer serves us. I realized both based on my upbringing and societal condition I’ve become a perpetual people pleaser and been afraid to ask for what I need or not known how to ask it for fear of rejection. One of the most powerful questions I’ve learned through therapy Is “what do you need”? Imagine if this was the default response to any human, especially children. As Brene Brown has taught me, we have to know how to identify our emotions in order to process them. The average human knows only THREE: angry, sad, and happy. No wonder there’s so much anger and hurt in the world, that’s ⅔ of the emotions we on average know! 

This cycle was about processing a lot of emotions, especially stuck ones. As women we’re taught not to feel, or at least not to be too sensitive or need to be consoled if we are upset,  or someone tries to fix whatever is bothering us rather than allowing us to feel. This cycle was all about letting it all go and feeeeeelliiiiinnnngggg.

The most impactful part was done through  something called holotropic breath work. The incredible thing is all you do is breathe, and on the exhale you make a sound, whatever comes out, sometimes this can be a sigh, other times it can be a yell or even a scream. Whatever your body needs. The amazing thing is you’re encouraged to keep going no matter how loud/intense the emotions. Your body may do all sorts of things and will almost definitely clamp up and tingle. Mine shivered, got really hot, convulsed, chattered, coughed, cried, gagged. It was a whole new level of embodying emotions. It might have been the only time in my life outside therapy where I was encouraged to feel! No consoling, no asking what was wrong, no problem solving.

Afterwards, my body was so heavy I didn’t feel I could even move it. My mind was absent and I’m not sure I’ve ever been so present in a savasana! I saw shapes, rainbow colors and most amazingly and importantly experiences  I never thought I could forgive, that had been buried in my body for the past 15 years were forgiven. I even had empathy and mercy for the other parties responsible and the wounded souls they had to possess to do such horrific things. 

My personal challenge is for all of you to try breathwork. I had done it before but it was nothing like this. Every time Is different and it’s important to not have any expectations. The beautiful thing is you can’t do it wrong since all it is is breathing. Having a spaceholder was key though as she did come around and help us through the intensity and/or helped ground us. I’m not sure I would do this on my own! Doing it as a group also created a sense of safety Because you heard other women feel so you knew you a) weren’t alone and b) weren’t the only one releasing crazy noises! 

I guarantee we all have at least one if not a full list of feelings/memories/traumas/Samskaras (conditioning that has distorted us from our true selves) that we need to work out of the body! It’s worked w ptsd victims and I guarantee it’ll have an impact on you!