Epistemology: Knowing Your Community

The Culturally Responsive Evaluation and Awareness conference in Chicago left me with awe. True awe, the jaw-dropping, mind-blowing "wow," so bear with me as I struggle to articulate the experience into a blog entry. First off to hear words like "evaluation" and "holographic" in the same sentence was certainly a new experience. These are the people that care more about the stories and "soft" qualitative evidence as the statistical quantitative data. There were large representations of native Hawaiians and New Zealand Maori people along with several American Indian tribes. The conference began with three of these tribes singing their equivalent to the national anthem and then the representatives of the visiting tribes bringing gifts to the local tribes to thank them for letting them be on their land. It was incredible to see the intentionality in these tribe members of not only thanking them for hosting, but acknowledging the land that we were standing upon. That in itself made me know this conference was going to be a game-changer.
The next 2.5 days were spent listening to speakers from many different communities of color and researchers and graduate students talking about how they had implemented culturally responsive practices in their cultural contexts and/or work. A main lesson I learned during the Sistema fellowship of tailoring your program to the community was discussed in almost every presentation. After breaking down epistemology (ways of knowing), I want to take that concept one step further: value your community. Knowledge is only the beginning. Knowledge means nothing if one doesn't use it to respond in a culturally responsive way, which requires valuing the culture(s) of the people one is working with.

I'm working on a case study for my graduate school Integrative Leadership course at the University of Minnesota's Carlson School of Management where we had to select an initiative that exhibited integrative leadership and assess the presence/absence of integrative leadership in the initiative. While there are many definitions of Integrative leadership, our group has defined integrative leadership as the ability to bring diverse voices together to achieve collective impact ensuring all voices are represented at the executive/decision-making level. The organization we selected, Gen Next, has brought together many different stakeholders (corporations, foundations, schools, city officials, neighborhood associations) to close the nation's largest achievement gap and by doing so certainly exhibited qualities of integrative leadership at a sectoral level. However, in our interviews, we learned of contradicting viewpoints as to what extent the initiative has been successful. Mainly due to the fact that the communities GenNext is serving are feeling undervalued. A lesson I heard again and again during this conference was "It's not what you do what you do, but how you do what you do." The why of everyone wanting to close the achievement gap is certainly aligned, but when corporations and foundations want higher literacy and graduation scores, without looking at the youth holistically, particularly that of their cultural values, many community members have felt they are trying to produce worker bees. Efficiency and independence are two examples of assumed values. What if these character traits aren't valued in the communities for which Gen Next is trying to serve? In order for there to be a lasting, significant impact, one must have integrative leadership at a societal level, which requires aligning values, and that is tremendous, deliberate work. Work where people must be humble and make no assumptions and actively listen to each other without judgment. This requires giving up power and authority.

This conference discussed a lot of these dynamics that are part of Critical Theory discourse and was perfectly applicable to both my work in Sistema as well as my graduate coursework in international development. It's all about building trust in relationships and respecting the values of the community, which researchers/development practioners (especially funders) don't always do. I went into this conference with believing the ultimate indicator of social change is agency, that is the power that one has the ability and power to change his/her life trajectory. However, as we've seen in a case study in Uganda, autonomy and independence aren't necessarily values they share. Rather interdependence is part of life and it's through that interdependence that people are motivated to help one another (you scratched my back so I'll scratch yours).

As most good discussions and conferences go, I left the conference with more questions than answers, but also with a framework of knowing what types of questions one needs to ask and to make no assumptions. Aloha in Hawaiian is not just a mere greeting; it means love AND understanding. Now that's a beautiful thing. 

A Metamorphosis of Privilege and Situational Awareness

As I'm reading Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert about successes and failures and how your art, your thing that you love more than your self, it is challenging me to not censor my blog and just write. Not as candidly as a journal, mind you, but more so than I have in the past. Allowing me to be vulnerable, wrong, and perhaps not necessarily politically correct. But also hopefully provide a new perspective, or freshness into a usually familiar territory, and vulnerability in that way. As Brennan Brown says in her Power of Vulnerability TED Talk, there is power in that vulnerability. My intent is to articulate my thoughts and how I have noticed myself metamorphosize, not insult or offend, though I may make some judgment calls. After all, this is my blog and I'm allowed to do that.

It all started during the Sistema fellowship. Each fellow took a turn to teach something. I had just led a session on choral warm-ups. Our fellow class..well there were some tumultuous times..to say it nicely. Let's just say I know what happens when you put 10 alpha dogs in one room and it's not pretty. I also learned SOS for group dynamics and the toxic 4 horsemen of stonewalling, contempt, ignoring, and resignation. It was in this toxic context that I asked a fellow fellow we'll call Susie when she was going to do lead her session. She opened up to me and said something to the following effect, though now that it's been 3 years some of this may be paraphrased/reinterpreted, "Honestly, Sara? You've seen our group dynamic. Why should I [in a truthfully posing a question, non-contemptuous way, tone is impossible to communicate by text!)? And as enthusiastic as you are about underwater basketweaving (changed for identity protection), what do I owe Sara Zanussi, a privileged, white woman [about this topic]? I gathered this knowledge and am a master teacher and it's really special. Why should I pass it onto you?" This was one of those conversations that stung, but was truthful and brutally honest; she had no duty or obligation to teach me. It made me incredibly uncomfortable and full of guilt as many white privilege conversations then did, but I truthfully had no response. I'm sure at the time I said something like, "I'd just like to learn more about it, but if you're not comfortable doing so I guess I understand and I'm sorry," and shuffled away.

I can count the amount of brutally honest conversations I've had like this on one hand. But they're also the kind of conversations that stay with you and bring about what Stanford Business Review claims to be the most important characteristic of leadership: self-awareness. Despite being discriminated against in Tanzania for a full year, I was situationally unaware of the privilege I held during this fellowship purely because of my racial background. European Americans as I like to call "white" people like myself, were the minority in our fellowship. But despite being the minority, this was the first time I realized even being the minority I held the institutionalized privilege and thus my situational awareness began. I wanted to do something. I wanted to tell Susie, "Because I value your knowledge. Because I truly want to learn about underwater basketweaving. Because as you said you're a master teacher and I trust you." But I didn't. You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink.

Working in a community of color, there are meetings where I am the one and only "white girl" in the room. Where I really can't empathize with some of the situations some of the participants in the room have been in, overcome, or identify with. I thought I couldn't possibly be a teacher of cultural resiliency, helping youth maintain/develop their cultural identity. Because I thought of it purely in racial/ethnic terms. How could I represent youth-of-color's culture not being of-color or from the community myself? How can that be my job?!

But a wise colleague helped me realize, cultural resiliency is cultivating and maintaining any part of one's culture- that of youth, that of music, that of being a community leader, that of one's ancestry, and with that I could certainly be on board. That wise colleague helped me realize that sure it was evident, I was the minority, the "little white girl" in the room. But I wouldn't have been invited to that meeting if I weren't trusted. If I weren't valued. If my opinions were ignored or my questions unanswered. And since then when that discomfort arises as being the clear outsider, I think of it no different than a physical-a necessary, important thing to do even if it involves exposing yourself in order to understand what's going on and live a healthy life. It keeps my mind open and I've seen community members feel safe to become vulnerable and talk about their challenges. And my job as an outsider in those moments? To just listen and let that person be heard. To not offer a suggestion or provide a solution or try to empathize with something I can't. To learn his/her story so I can develop an authentic relationship. So often, "acting out" (basically most of the evil doings in the world) happens when one doesn't feel heard.  If we all felt we were heard, the world would be a VERY different place.

So now three years later working in a community of color, I think of Susie's words often. How am I representing myself because I am a privileged European American and there is nothing i can do to change that fact? I realized the biggest thing I can do is create that awareness for others and not let it be a blind spot or ignored. Tonight was my first action towards awareness. My professor, a Scandinavian, older male, was telling us about the guest speakers that were coming in and I couldn't help but notice, all of them were white, older males. "We were going to have [a woman CEO] next week, but she couldn't make it." After my Integrative Leadership seminar course, I gutsily went up to him and said, "I was just curious. Are we going to have any diverse speakers? I couldn't help but notice all the people in our syllabus are white males." He sheepishly looked at me and said, "I know, but in these fields it's really hard to find someone and with our connections.." I understood this to mean, no. But then he thanked me and told me it was on his mind and he really was hoping for at least this woman CEO to come, but she cancelled. I told him I couldn't help but notice the diverse make-up of the class and how one of the biggest things I had learned in my cross-sector work were different perspectives from different backgrounds. I also admitted after some of the comments tonight in our debate it would be really good for our class to hear a different perspective. (During the debate, we were talking about if Hubert Humphrey's passage of the Civil Rights Act was an example of integrative leadership. The pro side argued it was cross-sector because of the constituent diversity (there were women, whites, blacks) as if that were the same as cross-sector. I was pretty taken aback and offended by the comment. "Diversity" does not mean cross-sector!)

Anyway, the professor told me last year they had a person-of-color come in to speak, but it's really hard with the topics and their networks and if I had any suggestions to write them down. He said, "There was a girl last year who asked the same thing. We really should...and it's one of my biggest struggles. But thank you. I'm really glad you brought it up." And after that, I realized I was representing the community I serve. I was uncovering a blindspot and not letting it be ignored. I was giving my youthMy Me a voice in a majorly predominantly "white" field. And while I by no means mean for this to be a self-congratulatory post, I do recognize the metamorphosis and awareness that all began with Susie's comment 3 years ago.

Travels to Thailand

What a failed blogger I've been! ComMUSICation has kept me quite busy with our new partnership at the Mt. Airy Boys & Girls' Club and starting a new less-intensive program, getting our own office space, hiring new staff, board expansion, and fundraising. IN addition, I also started graduate school this fall in Comparative International Development Education, which has been so refreshing to be around development-minded colleagues and others who have lived abroad. It has been so refreshing to hear individuals that share similar viewpoints on development and has been wonderful to be in classes that I can directly apply to my work (like writing CMC's parent and student program evaluation!).

After this busy semester, a vacation was in order. Here are my top 10 memories from my Travels in Thailand (w/ layovers in Hong Kong and Japan!).

1) Mountains in Hong Kong
Most talk about city life in Hong Kong, but under two hours away is BEAUTIFUL hiking paradise!

Landau Mountain 

2) Koh Phi Phi

This non-motorized small island is known for its party scene, but if you climb some stairs, the viewpoints are absolutely breathtaking!

3) Koh Lanta

Not nearly as well-known, you have the beaches and the jungle, and wonderful homegrown organic food @EasyLife Lanta Bungalows in jungle cabanas

4)Railay
If you like rock climbing, this is your paradise! But even if you don't, there are limestone caves, beautiful beaches, and truly awesome sunsets!

 Phranang Cave

\

5) Pai

Land of veg food, scooters and hippies. Also by a canyon, waterfalls you can slide down, and hot springs you can bathe in or boil eggs (bring your student ID and you can save on admission)!

                                         Mor Paeng Waterfall, the waterfall you can slide down

 Pai Canyon, be ready for some climbing and hoisting yourself up rocks, but well worth it!

6) Night markets

Are a must! Food, souvenirs, open mic/buskers, clothing, they have it all!

 Noodle choices for Pad Thai at Khao San Road, Bangkok

 They LOVED their waffles and crepes

7) Buatong Waterfall-Sticky Waterfalls

A bit of a drive outside Chiang Mai, but well worth it-you can climb up them (this pic is misleading, no rope required)

 8) Elephant trekking
If you're going to ride an elephant, make sure you go with an ethical company! Many elephants are treated poorly! I HIGHLY recommend Save&Rescue Ran-Tong elephant camp where they provide mahout (trainer) clothes, and you feed, bathe, and ride the elephants

 Feeding her favorite snack (look at that tongue!)

 Bath time

9) Chiang Mai

The land of temples, amazing yoga classes (Check out Wild Rose Yoga Studio!), and tigers 

                                          Tiger Kingdom

                                                      Doi Suthep Temple

Inmate Massage & Cafe

They train female inmates how to be masseuses and work in a cafe (and make delicious banana shakes!)

10) Tiger Cave Temple, Krabi
It's 1227 STEEP steps but it's a temple at the top of a mountain with a 360˚ view.