Saturday, February 18, 2012

2012, a big question of uncertainty

I know it's been awhile since I've written. There aren't any exciting adventures to write about as there were last year when I had spontaneous adventures monthly if not weekly. I've learned from being on that side of the equation that it is just as important to hear the more routine, mundane routine. I miss that, a lot. Exhibit A: I have a four day weekend this week and I"m sitting here doing this. I could go up north, but I don't want to by myself and the snow isn't worth the trip in all honesty. I've been so blessed to travel that it's really hard for me to stay in one place. It is confirming my desire to go into intl development where things are always new, even if that means lots of culture shock and frustration at times. I grow so much and overall, I think the pros outweigh the cons. Sure the nomadic life is not my ideal, but it's more an ideal than doing nothing for going on eight months now! (by nothing I Mean no FT job. I am working 4 jobs for a grand total of..25 hours. Pathetic?)

Teaching hasn't gotten easier, but I am certainly doing more of it than when I last wrote in November. I really enjoy teaching adults though. I'm teaching an Italian class at Comm Ed and it's so wonderful when they are engaged and asking questions. I miss that! That's why I love teaching so much. With these kids, I spend more than 50% of the time telling them or getting them to be quiet and use my energy for that rather than teaching them about music or Spanish or whatever the case may be. No FT job has presented itself but ACME is going incredibly well-we may have even found a home for next year-and the fellowship application that seemed like it would never end has been completed and submitted and then resubmitted after they extended the deadline 6 weeks later. You can imagine how pleased I was at that when I had used a good majority of my Christmas break to get it done before New Year's. Ah well what can you do?

I had a wonderful time in SLC skiing, seeing friends from Holden, and learning about Mormons. It was my first time skiing in two years! I certainly have a new take on them and am incredibly antsy to get back out there again and ski more. Now if flights would cooperate...The few times I have skiied here (twice) were fantastic (xc that is) but currently it is about 40˚ everyday so snow is quite rare. I want snow!! Beautiful days are great, but when it's not summer, what do you do? Run or bike okay but the list is far more broad when the element of snow is added. Hopefully I'll be in Italy over spring break visiting my brother and taking a run in the Alps. Depending on the status of life, I may just stay over there and travel. Honestly it's just as expensive as living in one place doing a job I am not passionate about and I'm not really saving money..

I hate to sound so whiney and complainy but journals are meant to convey real emotions. Sure, I'm happy. It's great to see my friends and mom on a weekly basis (Dad traveling, sis in LA, bro in Italy) and I've learned a lot through ACME, but I don't think my spirit is content. I need a purpose and am lacking that right now. ACME is certainly a purpose, but right now it's only a side project. I know that can change, but I'm just not ready to settle all!

Last year, I felt like i was making such an impact and this year I waste full days doing absolutely nothing. I never pictured myself as a substitute nor as someone who two years out of college was working for ten dollars an hour with high school and college students. It's certainly humbling, and it makes you realize you really can't stand out regardless of your qualifications. Yes I'm judging myself.

Well I'll go for a run and at least enjoy the weather. 2012, to success, productivity, and adventure. SOrry if this post seemed depressing. It was just honest.

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