Dear Charles De Gaulle (Paris) Airport,
1) How are you one of the largest airports in the world and your personell from security, baggage, check-in, and gate agents don't speak basic English? I am aware French WAS the international language, but we are now in the 21st century and English has now surpassed you. While you can fail to admit it, you will do nothing but make unhappy customers.
2) Standby does not equal terrorist! Most places I can check-in on the screen, though I will give you credit for the monsieur who let me skip the baggage line.
3) When I say no to a customs questions such as, "Has anyone besides you packed your bags?"I mean what I said. To have another official ask me the EXACT same question, is a waste of everyone's time, and certainly not appreciated at 7 AM in the morning!
4) LLA your code for standby printed on my ticket must have been lost in translation and mean lowest level of assistance or lascia la peggiore (let the worst (happen) at the airport) or whatever your French equivalent is.
5) In 24 years of flying, I have NEVER needed my dad's employee number and can only say you receie the waard for the largest runaround Bureaucratic airport. CDG-I must really stand for Come Droit Gauche (Right left) or perhaps Cauzione (caution) Direct Greatly Impossible.
6) Yes, there is a way to travel with one backpack-have you not heard of backpacking? Just because I only have one backpack for the past month does not mean I am a terrorist or in need of two frisks and luggage checks.
7) When your security gate does not beep why in the world do you require a pat down to the point of a molesting down to my underwear. If you don't see a belt I'm not wearing one!
8) Was it because of this LLA code that I not only took 30 mins to check-in, was thoroughly molested, but also my bags checked with a woman who doesn't speak a bit of English (and enough common sense to know a Nikon D3000 SLR camera requires a bit of TLC, is fragile, and when you knock a lens cap on the floor, you should put it back on instead of surreptitiously lifting it up to see what bombs I may be caring below it in the camera bag. And might another person search my shoes while you're doing this to save at least a bit of time.
8) CDG, I specifically checked to see what time I should arrive and you were not on the arrive early exception list. You NEED to be. Had I arrived when you say I could, I would have missed my flight! (I arrived 2.5 hrs early).
9) Only with you is carry-on luggage more hassle than checking a bag. And then tell standby not to wait in the line. You expect every customer to know English to answer your custom questions, that if you notice already have a security OK sticker on them (which I thought meant this luggage has been OKed) and these questions have already been asked.
10) When someone doesn't understand a language, raising your voice does nothing but frazzle the poor old Indian man and slow down the line. Perhaps I should try that tactic with you next time one of your 99% employees don't speak English.
11) To board a full 42 row flight, you need to either a) start your customs earlier with only one gate agent or b) have another.
12) How in the world do you not have some type of order for boarding? People who require more time, business class, back of the plane. You choose to use none?! You must just be encouraging your chaotic, bureaucratic, way and the opposite of a bon voyage.
13) How the F&^% do you choose Sky Priority Business Class customers for your luggage search (may I remind you for the second time!)? Do you not notice my bag already had the security stickers on it. Though you chose to ignore those earlier. Perhaps, you don't trust your two previous colleague inspectors that you need a third. If this is the case, internal trust within a company is a BIT more of a problem than searching a 24 yr old evident backpacker who flies frequently and has a B class seat! Oh, but a luggage search isn't enough. You need a second patdown session as well?! You should really get those stickers like after voting, for I've already been searched or molested as it literally (and truthfully) translates from your language.
But I suppose since my alarm clock only mildly woke me up, you succeeded CDG.